Very often, after a session clients ask me, "What should I do next? "When should I come back? Which service should I choose next?"
In this post I want to address what to do next aside from coming in for your next session. I am an advocate of self-healing. So often we put self-care into a compartment of things to do once or twice a month, or every six weeks.
Those are good intervals of time between coming in for your service with me. What really matters, though, is "What can I do to keep my energy clear and strong in between sessions?"
Here are two suggestions for changing your mindset, which is something you can do all the time, not only once or twice a month.
TWO IMPORTANT MINDBODY CONCEPTS
1. Stop fighting.
2. Presence your body.
In the world of healing, you are an expression of the universe. The magic and mystery of life is working through you. When you fight your present state of affairs, you are cutting yourself off from the magic, cutting yourself off from source energy, Rei Ki.
When I say "fight," do you think of having a fight with a partner or family member? That's a common way we fight, but I'm also talking about fighting with ourselves, fighting the world around us.
I'm talking about thinking things should be different. For example, are you fighting against a political event? The way a neighbor maintains their lawn? A condition in your body that feels painful or uncomfortable?
When we fight, we are consumed with energies like anger, resentment, envy, grief, shame. These are lower-vibrational frequencies that do not help the healing process. In the physical body, fighting brings on the "fight or flight" nervous system response. That makes us less resourceful. We are focused on surviving, not on healing.
Instead of fighting, we can shift our mindset to receiving. We can accept every event of life as a gift, an opportunity for healing.
There is a tarot reader I watch on Youtube. He often does a four-row spread with the last row being, "Good no matter what." If you get the Five of Pentacles: Good. The Tower: Good.
Refuse to be a victim. Even when you've been victimized. By "victimized" I mean something bad happened to you. By "being a victim," I mean letting the bad thing consume your energy and rule your life.
THIS PART IS OFTEN CONFUSING:
If you let go of feeling victimized, does that mean you are denying the badness of the bad thing? No! I don't mean you don't deserve to feel frightened or angry or debilitated. Of course you do.
Something bad happened to you and you are human. Of course you will feel hurt. That's a sign that you are alive and thriving. Don't make yourself wrong for feeling hurt and angry. Stop fighting the hurt and anger.
If you've done EFT with me, you know I don't ever suggest that you cover up bad. That would be denying yourself.
What I do suggest is that you do the opposite of covering it up. Own all the anger, all the fear. As my tarot dude says, "Put it in the row of "Good No Matter What."
In this case, it's not the bad event we're making "Good No Matter What." It's our anger about it we're counting as good. For you it might not be anger but grief. Or shame. Whatever feeling comes up as result of the bad event, you can embrace the opportunity to acknowledge it.
Acknowledgement is a healing action. Fighting a feeling is a way to keep it stuck.
EMBRACE THE TOWER ITSELF
The tower in tarot is when everything falls apart. A disaster. Nobody wants the tower. But everyone gets it now and then. The tarot depicts a journey in life. Life includes tower moments. It just does.
Ask yourself if you think your life shouldn't have them. I thought that for a long time. When something went wrong I'd ask, "Why me?!!"
You're alive Lisa. That's why.
You are alive with waves of events and feelings washing through you. If you can acknowledge in a bad event the opportunity to acknowledge and heal the human emotions inherent in living, then yes, you can begin to let go of those feelings of anger, fear, grief associated with the event itself.
When you free your energy from investing in negative emotion, you can use it to make positive change in your life and in the world.
STRUGGLING TO LET GO OF STRUGGLING
So take everything as it comes to you. Receive it. Assume the mindset of receiving in order to help remove the difficult energy of struggle, popularly known as "fight or flight." Fight or flight refers to a state of your nervous system, your body, in which the focus is survival, just getting by. Not healing. Not thriving. Not peaceful.
If you resist the idea of removing struggle, that resistance is also a form of struggle. Quite often, though, we choose to keep fighting because letting go of the fight feels like we are resigning ourselves to never healing. We feel we have no choice but to struggle against whatever we feel is wrong with us. So what to do?!
(When you are reeling from a tough moment, you won't be looking for the magical gift from the universe. You WILL be struggling to survive the moment. That's what the fight or flight reaction is supposed to help you do. This isn't what we're referring to here.)
What we're referring to about is struggling against an ongoing situation that seems to have no immediate solution. These are the things people come to see me for: chronic pain, anxiety, taking on energy of other people that feels negative.
HOW TO STOP STRUGGLING AND FIGHTING
Many people get caught up here. Me, too. I forget it all the time. It's a practice. It's worth the daily self-care of infusing peace into your mindset, not just get an injection of it during a healing session.
Here's a way to do that:
If you are struggling, receive the struggle, too. It's a deeper layer. Or maybe a meta layer: To stop struggling against the struggle.
This is where suggestion number two comes in:
Lean into the struggle. Presence your body to connect to the part of you that is fighting. This is a way to receive, even in difficult moments.
Consider this example of struggle:
"Wow I am really upset. I feel my chest is contracted and tight and the tension and pain is starting to flare up into my neck. I am so mad that this is happening again. I am trying to be positive. I want to heal this! No matter what I do though, it never works! Other people have healed this. You're supposed to be positive. You have to have good energy and a high vibration, but I must be doing it wrong. Either that, or this healing is a bunch of bunk. I hate this, but I don't want to be hateful. Because I'm supposed to be stopping the struggle. I don't want my fight or flight response to kick in. But I can't stop fighting this. How else will I ever get better if I don't keep trying to fighting it? That would be giving up!!!"
Do you hear the inner fighting?
Now hear what happens if you drop the struggle and presence your experience:
"Wow I am really upset. I feel my chest is contracted and tight and the pain is starting to flare up in my neck. Let me stop and take a few breaths. Let me focus on my chest and neck. Wow, as I breathe I notice how much I am telling myself I shouldn't have this pain. And how much I am putting myself down because I feel I shouldn't have it. How much I feel I "should" have been able to heal it by now. Because I've tried so hard. And I'm noticing the sadness and hopelessness that's coming over me now and I want to cry. Because I've lost so much time to this pain. Let me breathe and feel this pain and sadness. Let me feel compassion for the part of me that's hurt and grieving." (Stays present and breathes and gives the mind the assignment of focusing on sensations in the body.)
In example one, we are left with feelings of frustration and anger. Those are the feelings of struggle and fight. In example two, we are left with feelings of compassion and acceptance. Those are the feelings of healing.
WHY IS EMBODIMENT SUCH A BUZZ WORD?
Our bodies are our anchor here in the physical realm. When we attend to our physical bodies, they can clue us in to the secrets of healing. They can show us where we are stuck in an old wound. They can transform a moment of pain into peace. In them we can take refuge from the constant barrage of negative thoughts. We can engage the heart and simply float in the state of being with what is.
Unlike anyone else in our lives, our bodies are available in any and every moment. Even when it's sick or hurt, that loyal and broken down body will drag itself along with you to the very end ... even when your partner left you; even when your parents or kids were mean to you; even when you lost your job or your house got robbed.
Team up with your body. "Come on old friend, let's do this together. I know I smoked too much weed and tried to work 24/7. I didn't exercise and all that gluten couldn't have felt good. Let's forgive each other and watch the sunrise."
When you are hurt and upset, presence your body. Stop trying to think of the answer. Stop trying to think of the cure. Stop trying to be strong. Stop trying not to struggle.
You can't do embodiment by thinking about it!
I'm thrilled that so many people are asking about embodiment. About mindbody and energy healing. We're understanding how important is felt experience, and working with the subconscious mind. Make sure you don't let embodiment be another thing you understand and think about, but don't embody!
It usually feels counterintuitive to stop trying to figure things out, especially if you're programmed to value hard work and production. What if the hard work we're doing is learning to stop trying, and the production we are striving to achieve is peace?
TRY THIS ACTION INSTEAD:
Find a place to be comfortable where you won't be disturbed. Give yourself 20 minutes. You're going to do a sort of meditation.
You might think that means trying (and usually failing) to close down your busy mind. Instead of that, try being kind to your hard-working mind. It means well. It's part of you, too, so let's get out of the habit of dismissing it.
If it needs a job, tell it its assignment is to place all of its attention on your physical self.
Instead of trying to deny your mind, send it through your body exploring. Looking for the pain. The tension, contraction. The place that feels sick. Tell it to stop there and breathe. And don't look away.
Pretend it's a hunting dog. You found it! Good job!
That mind and those thoughts may want to go somewhere that feels safer. Could your heart take over? Could you stay and feel without thoughts or words? Stay with your body.
If the pain you tracked down were the prey, how would it feel if you loved it instead of killing it? Breathe and stay with your self.
Listen for the message. Listen to your body.
If you can't hear the message, presence the anger or hopelessness or grief. There is ALWAYS something to experience and acknowledge. Get meta. Go one step up from the thing you think you are supposed to be experiencing.
If it is too painful to stay with your body, there is your message! I don't want to be in my body and that feels _______________ . And when I feel that _____________, I tell myself ____________. Don't deny yourself and don't give up. Do your best to discover whatever is your truth.
CONSCIOUSNESS IS HEALING
Because when you are watching and orchestrating this harmony between mind and body and feelings, guess what. Your are conscious.
What is the it that enables you to step back and observe the mind and the body? Your consciousness! When you heal, you have found your true self, that part of you that is eternal and divine! You are awake.
Don't make this small. Don't make sitting with your body boring. Stay there and allow healing to happen. Don't make it something you do parenthetically so that you can get on to the real stuff. There is no other real stuff.
Heal immediately when you feel your consciousness awaken in your mind in your body. Have you heard of the Power of Now? What I've just described is a way to embody it.
Notice the image for this post. Is the person asleep or awake? Are they tuning out or tuning in. Are they fighting pain or receiving healing energy? Could they be alternating between fighting and healing? Very often we are. That's why we practice the healing state, in meditation, in reiki, in yoga, in any healing practice, so it will kick in more naturally and fluidly when we need it. Practice being in the Now so you can go there when something bad comes along.