Signs of Resistance: Stop Self Sabotage and Open to Healing Instead

Stop Self Sabotage and Open to Healing

Yesterday I wrote "You Have to Go In By Yourself." I was talking about my experience of clients shying away from what could have been a healing moment. An "aha" or a turning point. A breakthrough.

But how did I know what was happening with this client? The signs were subtle, but I've seen them many times. They are often followed by the person feeling like they didn't take full advantage of their healing session. They'd hoped for a different outcome. They say, "Why do I keep self-sabotaging?"

I offer four types of healing modalities: reiki, massage, eft tapping, qi gong. Let's take a look at self sabotage in light of each of these processes. Here are the signs I notice when I person stops short of going all in on the healing process. We could say a part of them is defending instead of allowing.

KEEP IN MIND: These observations are not judgements or indications that the person should be doing something different. That might seem contradictory according to the dichotomy I've set up below of defending vs allowing. Let me explain.

IT'S TRUE:

I am saying that allowing is preferable to defending if healing is to occur.

HOWEVER:

To arrive at allowing, one must first BECOME AWARE OF and ACKNOWLEDGE the defending.

I'm only describing the defending/resistance/self-sabotage SO THAT someone might recognize it in themselves, not to jugde in any way. It's just that we need to notice our resistance before we can acknowledged and accept it.

Our nervous systems create these defenses as a coping mechanism, to keep us safe. When we acknowledge the original good intention of our fight or flight response, it helps us to soften, to find compassion for a part of us we have been pushing away, ignoring, or criticizing or punishing.

I hope some of you recognize yourself in these descriptions, and use them to help you become conscious of resistance so you let it go with gratitude and ease!

MASSAGE

Defending: As I focus on an area of strong contracture, the person may says something like, "You can press harder. I can take it." The pressure is already inciting the muscle to maintain or increase its contraction, though. It's defending itself against an assault.

The person reads the increased pain and a good sign because they've been told "no pain no gain."

Allowing: Instead of pushing through the pain, we could decrease the pressure. The person could pay precise attention to the amount of pressure necessary for the muscle to relax.

Often this causes an uncomfortable awareness of the body of the thing it's been defending against — possibly for a very long time. Relaxation is new and uncomfortable. It may feel dangerous to let go of the defense/protection.When we realize this, we can set the intention to remain open and curious:

• Take a breath and focus your attention on the contracted muscle.

• Just notice whatever you notice.

• Allow it to exist.

• Notice any thoughts or feelings that arise.

• Is there something to be learned? An action to be taken?

• Breathe and offer gratitude to your hard-working muscles, nerves, bones, brain ...

EFT TAPPING

Defending: During the tapping process, the person refuses to acknowledge a thought/feeling/body sensation because they view it as negative. They do this because they have beeen taught that "negativity" is bad. They may say something like, "I feel anger and a tightness in my chest, but I know I should forgive the other person and I'm working on that."

Allowing: "I feel anger and tightness in my chest. I'm angry at this person and I realize I have been for a very long time. I feel it in my body in my thoughts and in my emotions. I'd like to say I forgive them, but I don't know how to do that yet. I'm afraid if I forgive them it's like letting them off the hook."

• As with massage, just notice what happens if you let that anger be there as you tap. Keep speaking freely about the things that made you angry in the first place.

• Speak out loud your thoughts about that person when they did that thing.

• Do not worry about being kind. You can be a kind person who also has hurt feeling.

• Do not deny your pain. Say out loud where you feel tightness, contraction or pain in your body.

• If words don't arise, keep tapping and feel into the heavy, dense, contracted energy within.

• Eventually you will feel a big or small shift.

• Don't worry if it doesn't shift much, or stays the same. You can end with something like, "I'm still angry and that's ok. I'm open to change when the time is right."

REIKI

Defending: I feel the energy as closed and unreceptive to my presence. My hands feel it as dense, unmoving, or grayish. I wait for the energy to soften or swirl, but it takes a long time or it doesn't move at all. Sometimes I have the clairaudient experience of "What do you think you're doing here?!"

This may occur even though the person has consciously chosen the reiki session and states that they are wanting to heal the issue at hand. After the session they may state that they couldn't stop thinking; they fell asleep; or they may have relaxed a little but didn't feel the profound change they'd expected.

Allowing: I feel the energy as open and swirling. Light moves through the body. I may hear the words or get the feeling of, "Oh hello! I'm so happy to see you!" After the session the person feels lighter, hopeful, elated, or reports a lessening of symptoms.

Honestly, in reiki, I feel allowing much more than I feel defending. And if there is defending, it usually subsides. When our two energies are in communication, that's a nice, but less consciously accessible level of awareness.

So in reiki, the defending or allowing feels connected to the person's conscious thought process and mindset, as opposed to the energy itself. Often, people aren't 100% sure they believe in "energy." Or the poof of positive energy can't override the energy of disbelief or of negative thinking or of a deeply embedded physical contracture.

• Understand that reiki always does something, even if you didn't feel it.

• Remember that our body/mind/energy system is complex, with all parts in constant interplay, usually below our conscious awareness.

• Allow any defense. Your mind has a reason it doesn't accept the idea of energy. Be curious about what that might be.

• Feel for nudges in a new direction. Even if you didn't feel the energy directly, watch for subtle shifts: a new idea, a vague new instinct, a weird encounter, a funny coincidence. Do your best to move in the direction they seem to be guiding you — even if it doesn't make sense to your logical mind!

• Accept that that's often how energy work works, in nudges and subtleties, not in the life-changing miracles we hope for secretly.

• If you're really interested in energy, learn some practice to become more attuned to it. Or course, reiki, qigong, or eft tapping :-) but if those don't appeal to you, do some googling and find something that does!

Qi Gong

Defending: The person is bored with slow, repetetive movements. They may distract themselves by asking questions or chatting. They might be in fear of making a movement that will harm them or cause pain. They may avoid or just give up the practice all together.

Allowing: They set their intention to stay present, open and curious. They bring their attention back if it wanders. They pay close attention to physical sensation and focus on adjusting their movements so they body stays comfortable and feels the healing benefits of the fresh flow of energy.

Maybe you just don't like qi gong. If that's the case, don't do it! If you feel its potential, though, or had an initial spark of interest that seems to waver or fade:

• Keep going and invite the resistance.

• Notice what you are thinking about when you're distracted during your practice.

• Ask yourself why it's hard to spend this time on mindfulness. What "should" you be doing instead?

• Intend to discover something new about yourself. Take your attention fully onto you instead of letting it focus on what exciting thing from the outer world you might be missing.

• Learn to experience your body from the inside out. Put your mind behind your belly button. Put it into your diaphram. Let it explore your inhales and exhales as if it were your lungs. Focus your mind on any discomfort and say, "I am now softening."

• Befriend your breath. Feel its buoyance and support.

I've shown you what resisting looks like in healing sessions.

Now ask yourself:

• Where in my every day life am I resisting?

• Where am I holding myself in contracture or pain?

• What am I refusing to realize?

• What can I be curious about?

• What purpose is my refusal serving?

• What am I defending? What do I fear if I stop defending?

• What do I want instead?

• What if I just took a breath and softened.

• What if I allowed myself. To just be as I am?

Remember, working with energy sometimes means becoming aware of our hidden or subconscious motives. No one is "accusing" you of resisting on purpose, so make sure you are not accusing yourself either! Find gratitude for the part of you that is working day and night to keep you safe!

View your those defensive actions with honesty, and be open and curious as to how they may have come about. Exploring resistance is not for shame or recrimination. It's a fresh opportunity for deeper self-understanding. Self-approval. Allowing. Compassion. Self-love and healing. 💖