Stopping a Spiral of Negative Thought.

Last night, I was reading a book. It was thoughtful and interesting. I found myself agreeing with the author, thinking how nice it is when someone "gets" you!

However, my experience was ruined before I reached chapter two. A paragraph stated:

“Self-inquiry is self-indulgent.”

I had to stop and breathe. They didn't "get me" after all. It's been my life's work to heal through self-discovery and to support others in doing the same. I felt personally attacked ... by a book.

"Attacked by a book." That didn't seem healthy. I needed to find a more positive thought.

First Attempt at Removing Negative Thoughts: Distraction

I closed the book and stared at the ceiling. Unfortunately, worse thoughts began to spiral. I decided to head to Netflix for some levity.

I'm watching the series called Too Much, about a woman named Jessica. She spirals through her bouts of self-doubt with nervous humor and cocaine. Or she cries to her rescue dog, Astrid.

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(Astrid's tongue does not live inside her mouth. It is permanently flopped out to the left. I truly cannot figure out: Is the tongue real? Did she have a doggie TIA?

It's hard to say how much I love Astrid's character. Please comment and tell me she's real — and if we know what happened to her. I think I missed that part.)

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Jessica and Astrid lift my sprits and I give the book another try. It’s called The Tao of Ordinariness: Humility and Simplicity in a Narcissistic Age by Robert Wicks.

I reason that, although he said what he said about self-inquiry, he has a Ph.D. I decide I can learn a thing or two from him, so I press on.

But then, the next thing he says is:

"Humility is out of fashion."

And:

"These days, to be humble is to appear weak."

I crumble. Now he's coming after humility, another thing I've worked to hard to learn. Now a smart person is saying I've spent all that time and energy learning to appear weak. I take another deep breath.

Second Attempt at Letting Go of Negativity: Somatic Inquiry

This time, I don't run to Astrid and Jessica. I choose self-inquiry instead.

This time, I breathe for real. I breathe for a few long minutes. I focus my attention on self-inquiry and humility. I feel contraction around my upper right scapula.

I breathe there and everything softens: the physical discomfort, the comparison, and the pain of self-criticism.

→ I realize that self-inquiry and humility are personal values I don't want to change. I continue breathing and allowing them. I am sealing in my truth.

What About You? Are You Comfortable with Your Truth?

I don't know if I'm humble, weak, self-indulgent, or what. The whole point of this story is to highlight how our personal truths are challenged in everyday life — and whether we reclaim them or disown them.

I'll share my truth, then you share yours.

Truth: I get thrown off my game by people I judge as smarter than I am.

Now you: Do you have an uncomfortable truth? What throws you off center?

And ask yourself:

• Do you come right back into balance?

• Can you clarify and reclaim your values?

• Or do you spiral and wallow?

• Does your chest contract and your stomach ache?

• Do you distract yourself?

• Or do you look inside and allow whatever you find?

  
  

All answers — and any others you come up with — are correct. Even if your tummy hurts. Even if you spiral. You are naming a truth about what throws you off center.

→ Naming your uncomfortable — or "negative" — truth is as important as naming a truth you'd judge as more positive, like:

"My truth is I like all dogs and do not judge the ones with floppy tongues."

Working with Energy: Can You Let It Flow?

Do you let whatever comes up flow through you? Does uncomfortable energy flow in, swirl around a little, and then flow back out?

Usually, problems arise when the energy gets stuck — when the self-aware wallow in self-pity becomes an ongoing subconscious vibe of victimhood. When the contraction around the heart center becomes anxiety or back pain.

A Surprising Reason Energy Gets Stuck!

Often, my clients' energy gets stuck because they were pretending it wasn't there in the first place.

Did you see how that worked in my example? Did you notice how I first tried to not let the book bother me? I distracted myself with Astrid and her tongue. I didn't tell you, but I ate a cupcake too. I chose to feel happy and positive!

But the self-doubt returned right away. I went back to the book and immediately encountered another bout of self-criticism. This time, I stopped to acknowledge the self-criticism so I could move through it.

This is what I help people do every day — not to stay positive no matter what, but to stop stuffing down their energy so it can start to flow again.

Comment below if you've ever caught yourself being "too" positive. Have you dismissed "negative" energy you could have harnessed to work through negative beliefs and get closer to the True You?

the beautiful girl

(photo source unknown)